Sickipedia

Man crushed to death by wife after she 'stumbled and fell on top of him'. That is going to be a very awkward funeral, but I bet she puts on a good buffet.

Ozzy was worth £165 million when he died. At least Sharon can afford a new vibrator.

92-year-old Ryland Headley has been sentenced to life in prison for the rape and murder of Louisa Dunne 58 years ago. I would like to congratulate the Police on their speedy and thorough work on this case and am glad he will spend the rest of his life in jail, unable to hurt anyone else. Thank goodness he didn't get away with it.

My Austrian friend looked upset so I asked him what was up and he said there'd been a mass shooting in his homeland. 'Oh dear' I said, 'was anyone killed?' 'Nine' he replied. 'Well that's good news isn't it?' I said.

How fast can a couple of Muslims fuck a sheep? As quick as two Sheikhs in a lamb's tail.

I hate seeing these drunks on the street with their cans of extra strong beer. They should pour it into a McDonald's cup like I do.

Graham Greene's final role: Kicking Bucket

Rylan Clark finds love with fairground worker Anal carny can carnally crank any lacy lycra canal

Word of warning: if you're steaming drunk and a bird asks if you'd like to see her 'gaff' make sure it's not actually a crossdresser wanting to show you her fake minge...

Paul Merton is 6 foot 2, filthy rich, very intelligent and has a great sense of humour. Yet from 1990 to 1998 the only bird he could fuck was Caroline Quentin. This is why I'm moving to Thailand.