Sickipedia

Man crushed to death by wife after she 'stumbled and fell on top of him'. That is going to be a very awkward funeral, but I bet she puts on a good buffet.

Ozzy was worth £165 million when he died. At least Sharon can afford a new vibrator.

92-year-old Ryland Headley has been sentenced to life in prison for the rape and murder of Louisa Dunne 58 years ago. I would like to congratulate the Police on their speedy and thorough work on this case and am glad he will spend the rest of his life in jail, unable to hurt anyone else. Thank goodness he didn't get away with it.

My Austrian friend looked upset so I asked him what was up and he said there'd been a mass shooting in his homeland. 'Oh dear' I said, 'was anyone killed?' 'Nine' he replied. 'Well that's good news isn't it?' I said.

How fast can a couple of Muslims fuck a sheep? As quick as two Sheikhs in a lamb's tail.

The UK Supreme Court has ruled that the legal definition of a woman is based on biological sex, although surely this is meaningless in practice. I don't know anyone who walks around carrying genetic testing equipment, so how are we supposed to know the difference?

The X-Files was a great TV show but of course we all know there's not really any such thing as aliens. Which means Mulder's little sister was really just kidnapped by a paedophile. He took her off to the woods where he tortured, raped and murdered her. Then he had sex with her dead body, chopped it into bits and then masturbated over the pieces. Then he burned the bits in a fire, smashed the bones up with a hammer, put them in a shallow grave, masturbated over them one last time, buried them and then moved on to the next town and the next town and kept doing the same thing over and over again without ever getting caught. Mulder just can't accept the reality of the situation, but the truth is out there...

I hate seeing these drunks on the street with their cans of extra strong beer. They should pour it into a McDonald's cup like I do.

Graham Greene's final role: Kicking Bucket

Rylan Clark finds love with fairground worker Anal carny can carnally crank any lacy lycra canal