Sickipedia

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!" "We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

Two hunters are going to find some gorillas. They have a dog, a sack and a shotgun. After marching through the jungle for a few hours, they see a gorilla sitting at the top of a tree. Hunter 1: "Here's how we catch the gorilla. I'm going to climb up the tree and shake the branch he's sitting on until he falls out the tree. When he hits the ground, the dog will run over and bite his balls and distract him. Then you run over and put the gorilla in the sack". Hunter 2: "That's a good idea, but what do I do with the shotgun?" Hunter 1: "If I fall out the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

Can anyone help me? I'm stuck on a crossword puzzle. The clue is "Where they nailed Jesus" - 2 across.

There was a tap on the door this morning. My plumber's got a weird sense of humour.

Heard about the new shampoo for pikeys? It's called Go and Wash.

A man walks into a pub with an alligator under his arm. "Excuse me," he says to the barman. "Do you serve Pakis in this pub?" "Certainly, sir." says the barman. "That's good. A beer for me and a Paki for the alligator."

Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Whatever you do, don't surprise Oscar Pistorius

What's the difference between a nigger and a park bench? A park bench can support a family.

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my thing, and then return to work. Having never touched myself, there really is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." "Wait a minute," said the diner. "How do you get your penis back in your pants without touching it?" "With the spoon" says the waiter.

Jesus: (pouring wine) "This is my blood" Jesus: (serves bread) "This is my body" Jesus: (holding a mayonnaise jar) "And this is my..... Judas: "Yeah Jesus I think we'll stop there pal"