Sickipedia

I've just created a new text messaging service for people of colour. Whatsape.

Fifteen Bonobo chimpanzees escaped Birmingham zoo today. So far authorities have recaptured sixty thousand of them.

Irate. Are you really angry or just a Scottish person saying "yeah sure"?

Fucking police banning me from saying shalom, chutzpah and kosher outside of my county. Apparently it's not in my Jewish diction.

Science test, first question. "What is most commonly found in nature as either a liquid, solid or a gas" They didn't like it but "the machinations of my anus" got me a mark.

How many Lepidopterists does it take to change a lightbulb? I have no idea but we can work it out using Mothmatics.

What the media report: Its too early to tell if this shooting is terror related. What the media mean: Its too early to see if the suspect has a beard.

"This observable reaction is also prevalent in stars. When all energy has been expended this massive body will collapse back on itself forming a super dense particle cluster with incomprehensible weight" My physics students nodded and continued to take notes. My fat cunt of a wife gave us all the finger and continued trying to get out of bed.

I was trying to think of the absolute shittest computer gaming pun but in the end it became 2DS.

It's not rocket science to identify the feminists, in fact the equation is remarkably simple. Armpit hair > fringe = Hate filled nob dodger