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Me: "This show is boring." Boss: "Once again Dave, this is a Zoom conference."
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I stormed the US Capitol building today, And all I got was this bloody t-shirt.
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Now that my son is old enough to do chores, Every day is Father's Day.
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News: Biden fractures foot while playing with dog. Normally, the injury occurs while removing his foot from his mouth.
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I was shocked when Harry Styles appeared on the cover of Vogue wearing a ball gown. No strappy sandals and last season's colours?
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I put on so much weight during lockdown, When I walk into a room, my stomach gets there 3 seconds before my nose does.
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Paddy: "I believe the earth is flat, but I'm not sure how thick it is." Murphy: "I believe you are thicker than the earth is."
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Headline: "US-Mexico border: Parents of 545 separated children still not found." Fuck me, I didn't know a parent could have 545 children.
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A. An outside agitator. Q. What do you call a US president who visits a riot-torn city?
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"Just a little off the top." Said the rabbi, during the circumcision.
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