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dickmorningwood

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News: London Breed becomes first black female mayor of San Francisco. London Breed? Sounds like something that happens in Grenfell Towers.

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My diabetes is at the point where I may lose part of my foot. Apparently, I'm black toes intolerant.

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To teach my son about sex, I handed him a porno and said, "This is how babies are made." A few minutes later, he came back and said, "It takes 10 men?"

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My mate in America is trying to lose weight. So I told him, "Don't eat anything 2 hours before bed." He hasn't slept in 4 days.

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I don't live in the best part of town, But there are just enough white people to have a good supermarket.

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I'm impressed by women who had difficult childhoods but grew up to have successful careers. They're librarians, they're nurses, they're police officers. To be fair, I don't know all the stripper costumes, but still

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I don't like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive. It's up to almost 5 TB.

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The credit card application asked if I had "Other Income." So I put down, "Other credit cards."

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I'm not afraid of dying alone. I'm afraid of dying with flatmates.

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My dad often said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." Most racist mime ever.

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