Sickipedia

I've just had a shit that was that big it touched the water before breaking off. That's pretty impressive from the middle diving board.

JUST READ A SIGN IN CALIFORNIA: Please drive carefully around bicycles. These cyclists are known carry baseball bats, and may wreck your new car.

I saw a homeless man in a cemetery, kneeling in front of a grave. I said "Morning!" He said, "nah, just taking a shit."

The News: "Because people of color are invisible, the racism against them is also invisible." Me: "Because Santa Claus is invisible, the Lamborghini I got for Christmas is also invisible. That's why you can't see it."

A huge article just appeared featuring Dracula's lifestyle in Daily Mail. And yet, he didn't appear in The Mirror, or The Sun.

Little Johnny was sat in class, and the teacher called on him and said, "Johnny, could you use 'I' in a sentence please?" Little Johnny began, "I is--" "Little Johnny," said the teacher, "you've learned this by now, the correct grammar is 'I am'." Johnny continued, "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."

Some pig was trying to talk to me at work, asking me questions. I learned my lesson and knew my rights. I was like "lawyer" before he could even open his mouth. He was all, "where do you keep the butter?"

Transcript from a fire department in Cardiff Wales, 2022 Lady: My house is on fire! I need firemen at my house now! Operator: Sorry, it's 6:30, we've just sent them all home.

My neighbors, Thomas and Elizabeth just sent a bunch of thugs to smash a local art museum. Or as I call them, "Tom, Betty, and the Artbreakers."

What is a Pedometer? Only http://pedometer.space will tell you.