Sickipedia

Jacob Zuma asked for a cell with more legroom. So they put him in a cell with Oscar!!

After careful observation of the US Dollar, Pound Sterling, Canadian Dollar, Australian Dollar and the Euro, I've reached the following conclusion..... Money with pictures of white people on it is generally more valuable!!!!

I scored a DJ job at the AGM of the national Dyslexia Association. The party and dancing was going well, but went ape shit when I started playing YMCA!!!

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works 24 hours a day, right from birth until your first erection!!!

The world is not full of assholes, but they are strategically placed so that you come across one every day. Every Fucking Day.

A new and easy test for COVID-19 doing the rounds. Take a glass and pour your favourite spirit, then see if you can smell it. If you can then you are halfway there. Then drink it and if you can taste it then it is reasonable to assume you are currently free of the virus. I tested myself nine times last night and was virus free every time, thank goodness. I will have to test myself again today, as I have a headache, which can also be one of the symptoms!!!

Just bought a George Floyd protest T-Shirt. Had to take the fucking thing back. It was to tight around the neck, and I was battling to breathe!!!

Was on the golf course today, hadn't played in 3 months. Got to the par 4, 260yard 8th hole completely surrounded by a water hazard. I asked my caddie, driver or 3 wood? He replied, driver.So I selected the 3 wood and hit it straight into the hazard. "Oh for fuck sake" I screamed. Caddie said " Princess Grace" I said what the fuck is that? He said " should have taken a driver!!!'

What"s the worst part of a total lockdown..... The fucking Jehovah witness' know you at home!!!!!!!!!!!!

New NANDO'S ad. Turns out finger licking isn't good!!!!!!