Sickipedia

He went on the Jeremy Kyle show He was from Dublin his name is Paddy His girlfriend was a little bit flirty So he wanted to know who was the daddy Jeremy Kyle said "paddy are you the daddy?" He said "Paddy are you the man? Well the answers all lie in the D.N.A" Paddy says "I get it, it's an anagram is it DAN? "

I find it odd how when you're in a club or at a party and the Ed Sheeren song comes on 'I'm in love with the shape of you' and every fat bird gets on the dance floor... ummm ladies I'm sure Ed was thinking about a particular hot girl, not let's write an anthem for fat birds with gunts!

My German friend came round my house for a drink "do you mind if I vape" he said, so I said "not at all." He then fucked my sister without her consent.

My mate accused me of being a Marxist ... I said " I thought I told you to fuck off Mark and take every other Mark with you."

Dang! I was so stoned I missed 420 day.

Little johnny is siitting in class when the teacher asks "does any of you children know what euthanasia is?" little johnny is the only one with his hand up so the teacher reluctantly asks him "ok johnny what do you know about euthanasia." little johnny replys "Gary Glitter fucks them miss."

On the whole knickers are good... but even they're better when they're off the hole.

Police are hunting a man who spent three hours licking a doorbell while the family slept inside. He started off fondling the knockers first.

So here in the UK they ban the Iceland advert about an orange ape running amok in a house because it's too political... yet in America they made an orange ape running amok their president.

I contacted my union rep and said "how do I become a member ?" he replied "first you have to pay the dues." ... I said "fuck the dues" he said "love your attitude, you should become a Labour councillor."