Sickipedia

I like my women, like I like my clowns, both with squirty flowers!

I phoned the samaritans and said "Im at the top of Beachy head and I'm gonna toss myself off" the woman on the other end of the line said "what about the people below?" I said "don't worry love they'll probably think it's just bird shit".

Breaking news from America...Donald trump has tiny hands and Kevin Spacey has been told to keep his hands off Hans.

Due to kiwis being thrown at Harry Styles at his last concert after he sang his song kiwi, a store in Manchester is questioning anyone under 25 trying to buy this fruit. personally I hope his next song is called dog shit and used tampons.

Marriage! Been there, done that, she's got the tee shirt.

My niece came up to me and explained she had got an internship working for an MP in the houses of parliament but was worried about sex pests. I told her if she saw an upstanding member in the whips office, just flick it with a tea towel and that should reduce it's majority.

i spy with my little i, a lawsuit coming from apple.

I'm not saying the missus is ugly, but I sent her for a walk in the woods and she came back with truffles in her gob... credit goes to the late Bob Monkhouse.

You know that you're really ugly when you put your new iPhoneX in your back pocket and the facial recognition unlocks your phone.

Me and my band are currently making an album using only the recordings of vaginal flatulence or what is more commonly known as a fanny fart or queef... The new album by the Foof farters is available to download soon.