Sickipedia

On the whole knickers are good... but even they're better when they're off the hole.

After the 4th week of lockdown Doctor Dolittle decided to change his name to Doctor Dofuckall.

I said to my mate " OH what are those things in shops that snatch the notes out your hand called, I think they begin with S" He said "self service checkouts?" I said " nah that's not it but I remember now, its stroppy fucking Indians"

As I stood in the crowd at a local anti austerity protest, I was surrounded by people with signs saying ' NO CUTS'... a lady looked at my sign and said you obviously didn't get the emails, I replied "yes I did" as I stood there with my 'NO CUNTS' placcard.

I was walking out of the service station toilets and passed the cleaner walking in with a plunger in his hand...I thought I'd better get out of here quick! ... shits about to go down!

Larry the Downing St cat has been put under house arrest for offering politicians meow meow at the front door.

Just seen the advert for Britain's got talent... looks like this year they have a man on the show that can drink and drive at the same time.

The prodigy's Keith Flint has died... the band are now looking for a pyre starter.

I wonder if the speaker of the house John Bercow walks around at dinner party's with a tray of snacks shouting "hors d 'oeuvre, hors d 'oeuvre?"

Whilst the backdrop is in place a no deal Brexit or Theresa mays deal is unachievable... the only way to make these achievable is to kick Northern Ireland out the union, then Scotland would go for independence and probably get it leaving just Wales and England together... But then we could merge and call ourselves Wangland, how cool is that?