Sickipedia

After several hours of talks and uproarious laughter by both parties, Putin and Trump today finally solved the problem of Ukraine. The war is now over with Trump having sold Ukraine to Putin for 10 billion dollars. Former Ukraine president Zelensky has agreed to accept 2 billion extra dollars from Trump and whatever passes for a green card nowadays. European arms dealers have declared a week of mourning and are now looking to offload cheap merchandise to whomsoever is willing to make a bid. Drones will deliver themselves to wherever the buyers want. Alls well that ends well.

I've just received an email from Trump's Attorney General informing me that I have been sanctioned for calling DJT a cunt in a post on here some time ago and I will have to pay an extra 25% on all purchases from Amazon Worldwide. The sanction was imposed because I refused to disclose how I determined he was a cunt. Sorry for the use of the 'c' word.

The world’s first online hospital……if any of you actually get the chance to use it, don’t forget to Save it before you log out.

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.

"You'll never walk alone" sang the six guys who carried Jota's coffin into the church. Too soon ???

Pope Francis is dead. Is it time we had a scouse pope ?

I noticed that today the UK government finally managed to deport an illegal immigrant to France.There is a much simpler and cheaper way….make use of the SBS and those small boats which must be littering up the beaches of Kent by now. Load 10 illegals onto each ‘boat’ along with one SBS soldier armed with a Fairburn Syke knife and set them going, any disruptive behaviour by the migrants, the soldier can simply stab the boat in several places, thereby deflating it and he can then pop over the side for a leisurely swim back to Blighty.

Considering the recent denial, by the courts, to allow the removal of a recently arrived migrant back to France. Back to France....surely a cruel an unusual punishment !

Small ads in the Islington Gazette.....Beautiful Spit Proof jacket required for visiting wanker, will rent for a few days, face cloths also required.

As Kier Starmer Considers his choice of the next ambassador to the USA, can I respectfully suggest George Galloway ? No, okay I'll fuck off then.