Sickipedia

When Trump ended his first term as President, he initially refused to build a presidential library, however it appears that he did indeed have one constructed at his home in Florida. Unfortunately it was burgled last week and and both his books were stolen ! The sad thing is, he hadn’t finished colouring in either book.

Home Secretary Shabana Mahmood todaiy unveiled a raft of proposals to deal with the increasing flood of illegal immigrants into this country. I wonder if the raft she used was one abandoned on the sea shores of Kent.

Elon Musk to potentially to receive a one trillion dollar bonus, surely a crime against the rest of humanity. He should be locked in a bank vault and not allowe to die until he has counted all those dollar bills.

The South Korean government today gifted Donald Trump with a golden set of tweezers and magnifying glass to help him pass the time as he awaited the arrival of the Chinese president.

The world’s first online hospital……if any of you actually get the chance to use it, don’t forget to Save it before you log out.

The International Committee for the Exploration of the Seas (ICES) has just announced the terrible news that the numbers of cod in the North Sea are so low that cod fishing should be banned next year to prevent extinction of the fish due to the increasingly low numbers available to spawn. Interestingly enough, today is the 70th anniversary of the introduction of fish fingers to the UK markets. It is a well known fact that in order to get a female fish to release her eggs, a male fish has to finger her to orgasm. When male cod are caught, it is customary to remove their fingers for the traditional British delicacy before throwing the fish back into the sea, as a result female fish go unsatisfied and do not release their eggs. Since we, in this country eat 1.5 million fish fingers per day, the projected shortage of cod will mean the end of traditional fish fingers although other species of fish are available? The fingering of the female fish does affect the taste of fish fingers. You have probably noticed the distinct odour of fish as you cut through the breadcrumbs to get to the meat within, the contents of the fish finger also tend to taste a bit fishy. Suggestions to get round this problem such as resorting to eating cod balls in batter have been declined by ICES for similar reasons as no balls means the castrated cod cannot father codlings. Would baby octopus legs or starfish limbs make a good alternative to fish fingers, they would be available in eight or five packs. Enjoy you lunch today, whilst you still can.

I noticed that today the UK government finally managed to deport an illegal immigrant to France.There is a much simpler and cheaper way….make use of the SBS and those small boats which must be littering up the beaches of Kent by now. Load 10 illegals onto each ‘boat’ along with one SBS soldier armed with a Fairburn Syke knife and set them going, any disruptive behaviour by the migrants, the soldier can simply stab the boat in several places, thereby deflating it and he can then pop over the side for a leisurely swim back to Blighty.

Considering the recent denial, by the courts, to allow the removal of a recently arrived migrant back to France. Back to France....surely a cruel an unusual punishment !

Small ads in the Islington Gazette.....Beautiful Spit Proof jacket required for visiting wanker, will rent for a few days, face cloths also required.

As Kier Starmer Considers his choice of the next ambassador to the USA, can I respectfully suggest George Galloway ? No, okay I'll fuck off then.