Sickipedia

My wife wants a divorce because she says 'I can't let go of my past'. So I hit her over the head with my photo album.

My wife wants a divorce because she says 'I can't let go of my past'. Cheeky bitch isn't laughing now after I hit her over the head with my photo album.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman walk into a bar. The barmaid pours the Scotsman and Welshman a pint, but doesn't for the Englishman. The Scotsman says, 'It's probably because you've no got an accent like me wee man' The Welshman says, 'It's probably because you're not from the valleys like me bud' The Englishman turns to them screw faced and says, 'No, it's because I ordered a vodka and coke you inbreds, fuck off.'

What did the perverted Scottish buzz light-year say? I cum in pieces.

What did the broken Buzz Light-Year say? I come in pieces.

BREAKING NEWS: A young black male has been caught with his hands in his own pockets for once.

I've been doing my bit helping the elderly and disabled recently. In fact, a young lad in a wheelchair asked if I could push him for a short while yesterday. Of course, I graciously accepted. Apparently though, when you're paralysed from the neck down you can't apply the brakes yourself. RIP John Whitmore, 2010 - 2020 - May he rest in piece and his chair in pieces.

Two American officers walk into a bar. Then kill a black man.

Why didn't the lactose intolerant Muslim make it to the airport? Because he had explosive diarrhoea.

My Grandad's words before he kicked the bucket: 'I'm going to kick that bucket'