Sickipedia

"She calls my cock supermarket"! "Because its 24/7 and satisfies her needs"? "No.....its LIDL"!

What's yellow and white and travels at 10mph? A train drivers egg sandwich

Due to the water shortage in Ireland, Dublin Swimming Baths have announced that they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I was a necrophiliac till some rotton cunt split on me!

Saw a band last night called "Prevention"... They were better than "The cure"

Why did Michael Jackson call his seventh studio album "Bad"? Because he couldn't spell "Atrocious"

Due to the lack of humour and intelligence, Wasp has been identified as James Corden

A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

Two men are having a conversation on the train "It's spelt whoom"! " No...its fwhoom"! "I'm telling you its whoom"! Little old lady on the other side of the carriage says "I think you'll find its spelt WOMB" One man turns and says to her "Lady....I doubt you've ever seen an elephant in the wild....let alone hear one fart"!

Two lepers are having sex when she says "Stick it in my mouth"! So he does 20 seconds later, she pulls away and says..... "I said my mouth....NOT the hole where my nose was"!