Sickipedia

"Oh, bless." "What?" "There's a gorilla pictured here and she's adopted two kittens because she can't have any of her own." "That's probably because she's a gorilla."

My wife's a size 8. Times 5.

Prince William: "Hi Harry. Dad has COVID-19." Prince Harry: "Yours might have."

"Welcome aboard the Harmony of the Seas. Your name please, sir?" "Mr. Womenandchildrenfirst."

A mate called and said, "I've just had a huge fight with the wife. Do you have a spare bed for a few weeks until I find a flat?" I replied, "I've a sofa, if that's any good." "Perfect," he said, "you're an absolute legend! I'll send her round in a bit."

Tyrone Mings. He does, I've smelled him.

I'm so fucked off with Sickipedians. One man has died and two other people are seriously injured, following a random series of stabbings by a black man in Birmingham city centre. And I had to find out about it on Sky News.

The wife and I have been in lockdown for eight days now. One thing's for sure, there's no fucking way I'm retiring.

If I had a trolley full of toilet rolls in my right hand and a trolley full of hand sanitizer in my left hand, what would I be? A cunt.

A new car has been launched for American cowboys. The Audi Partner.