Sickipedia

Must-read info for Manchester United fans travelling to Wembley for the FA Cup final v Chelsea tomorrow. The best way in will be the Central line tube from Essex, changing to the Metropolitan line at Liverpool Street.

Where's the only place Donald Trump likes in Mexico? Cannedcoon.

Meghan Markle showed yesterday she has a sense of humour. During her wedding ceremony she said, "For richer or poorer."

Prince Philip is delighted Harry married Meghan. He now has four people who will attend his impending funeral.

A cougar was killed in Seattle after it mauled a mountain biker to death. Most exciting episode of Last of the Summer Wine ever.

Meghan Markle left Windsor today in typical fashion for a black woman. Driving full of speed with the top down.

My wife and I don't see eye to eye on anything. I should never have married a fucking midget.

Ali in the corner shop told me that since she left him, he misses his wife's head. Shame they couldn't at least find her lips.

US film star Morgan Freeman has apologised following allegations of sexual misconduct made by eight women. He should've chosen a sure wank redemption.

North Korea's Kim Jong Un unruffled after Trump cancels summit. He's not quite sure what that summit is but fuck it anyway.