Sickipedia

Last year my mate Dave overdosed on Indian spices. He spent a month in a korma.

I was getting a tattoo done on my back the other day of an Indian. I said to the tattoo artist, "Make sure you don't forget his tomahawk". "Give me a chance", he said. "I haven't finished his turban yet."

My mate Dave has drunk many strange and exotic drinks in his life. I asked him if he'd ever drunk cologne. No he said. Always with mates.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the King's men said.... "Fuck him. He's only an egg."

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous... Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself.

"It's important we remember the true meaning of Easter," says the Archbishop of Cadbury

You have to remember, that when it comes to taking off first aid plasters, there are no hard and fast rules.

You hard to remember, there's no hard and fast rule when it comes to ripping off band aids.

What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really us just being pushed out of a vagina into our next life?

I told my mate that in order to get more sex out of the missus, I told her I'd marry her next summer. "July?" he asked. "Of course I did." I said