Sickipedia

"Its important we remember the true meaning of Easter", says the Archbishop of Cadbury.

A duck was about to cross the road when a chicken looked at him and said don't do it you will never hear the end of it.

What do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen? You don't take her out again.

We were so poor. We had to jerk the dog to feed the cat.

I left a trail of rose petals from the front door, up the stairs, and to the bedroom. I sprinkled some more over the bed. I sat in the corner wearing nothing but her beautiful silk robe with a bottle of vintage wine on ice on the end table. I heard the door open and her walking up the stairs, I wanted this to be the most romantic evening ever. I was quite nervous... Now all I needed was the perfect way to introduce myself.

What's the difference between a 69er and a Floyd Mayweather uppercut? With a 69er you can see the cunt cumming.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the King's men said.... "Fuck him. He's only an egg."

A deaf couple are having trouble communicating their desire for sex. The woman says to her husband " Darling what about we try this. Whenever you want sex lean over and gently squeeze my left breast and if you're not in the mood squeeze my right one." The husband thinks this is a wonderful idea and replies ".. And darling if you ever feel like sex, pull my cock once and if you don't feel like it, pull my cock 250 times. "

My mate Dave has drunk many strange and exotic drinks in his life. I asked him if he'd ever drunk cologne. No he said. Always with mates.

Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer...I'll pop back next year!