Sickipedia

Elton John has had his say on the knife crime epidemic in the UK, thinking he wouldn't be any good at it. Apparently he'd be a shit stabber.

Got kicked out of the pub last night at the Stand up to Cancer quiz. When asked which famous castle was irreparably damaged by smoke in the 90s, apparently "Roy" was an inappropriate answer...

Fee fie fo fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman Clearly Jack wasn't from Birmingham

What do you call an Asian with a bad leg? A Muslimp.

My wife left me me because apparently I'm way too insecure... No wait, she's back, she just went to make a cup of tea.

Apparently a flock of seagulls have attacked a little girl 2 days after killing the family dog. It's also being said it was the same 'gang' who abducted a Chihuahua last week. I never liked any of their music to be fair.

What do you call a Brummy who fixes TV aerials? Antennae.

I see a 15yr old kid has been shot outside a Maccy Dees in Coventry? Ba da bab bab baah...

Some cunt asked me if i wanted to donate to their charity before... That's like asking Angelina Jolie for a titwank.

Our lass is ecstatic because I've just called her a 9. Fat cunt doesn't realise it's out of 100.