Sickipedia

So they're saying Verne Troyer was depressed? Can't understand it, he always looked up.

A bloke runs into a pub and orders 4 pints, 2 JD and cokes, 4 Jagerbombs, 3 sambucas and an Aftershock, and necks one after the other without a breath in between. He says "Man, i should NOT have done that!! Not with what i've got." The barman says, "Why pal, what have you got?" The bloke replies, "£1.75."

What's black and got 17 tits? A bin bag outside a Mastectomy clinic.

When I want a sauna I must have the whole thing to my self. I have selfish steam issues.

I don't know why they say Carlsberg is probably the best lager in the world? I found half a can on my wall this morning that tasted like piss?

A Muslim walks into a pub, and the barman asks, "Why the wrong place?"

I've just heard the devastating news about that poor little fella. RIP Verne Troyer

It pains me that i secretly crush up pills and mix them into my Nan's meals... But I'll be fucked if i got her pregnant.

I think I've discovered the secret to keeping women happy... I simply "Fuck off" when they scream it at me.

2 tramps walking down an alley: Tramp 1. "Have you shit your pants?" Tramp 2. "No i haven't!" 1. "Are you sure?" 2. "Yes!!" 100 yards further down street: 1."Are you sure you haven't shit? It fucking stinks." 2. "Yes i'm sure!" 1. "Fuck off, let me see." So the 2nd tramp pulls his trousers down and there's shite everywhere. Up his back, all over both cheeks, down the back of his legs. 1st tramp says "I thought you said you hadn't shit yourself??" 2nd tramp replies "I thought you meant TODAY??"