Sickipedia

Rip roger moore what a hero even at the age of 89. If you was a bit younger I am sure you would've defused that terrorists bomb like you did in octopussy, but you made the ultimate sacrifice to save the lives of others we salute you.

You can say what you like about hitler but he really saved the history channel.

I can't believe they are limiting the amount of phones per household in China. Apparently they've had to go to extreme measures as there are so many 'wings' and so many 'wongs' you could wing the Wong number.

I was walking the dog earlier when I heard a very snakey voice in the bush which said, "1+1=2, 2+2=4,3+3=6..." I think it must've been an adder.

My mate was having a tattoo of an indian on his back halfway through he said to the tattooist "don't forget his tomahawk" The tattooist said "give me a chance mate I ain't finished his turban yet"

I used to go out with a bird with eczema. She had cracking tits.

Policeman pulled me over earlier "are you aware that you wife fell out of the car a few miles back?" "No officer thank fuck for that I thought I was going deaf!"

I felt like a real gentlemen opening the door for the mother in law earlier. Mind you I was doing 60mph at the time.

Stephen hawking he's not as stupid as he looks.

Paddy is going really well on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. He's got to £500,000 with all his lifelines. Chris: OK Paddy, for £1,000,000 which of the following was one of the Great Train Robbers was it:- Ronnie Biggs Ronnie O'Sullivan Ronnie Corbett Ronnie Wood Take your time Paddy: I'll take the money Chris Chris: Are you sure, you've still got 3 lifelines Paddy: I'm sure Chris,I'll take the money Chris: OK audience give him a big round of applause, but before you go Paddy I'm sure you'd like to know the answer. Paddy: I know the answer Chris. Chris: You know the answer? You've just turned down a million quid, are you mad? are you mental? Paddy: I may be mental Chris but I'm no feckin grass.