Sickipedia

The good news about erectile dysfunction is that it can be cured by diet and exercise. The bad news is trying to get your wife to diet and exercise.

Katy Perry has claimed that those few seconds in space make her an astronaut. By the same reckoning, I am a gynaecologist!

As Hitler completes his 80th year in Hell, he is left to contemplate ''If only I had invaded Britain by dinghy, I'd have won''.

Patient: ''I think I'm addicted to buying yachts'' Doctor: ''Here, take some Anti-Buy-Yacht-Kits'' Now where did I put my coat!

A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left with the hope that she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rushed over to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seemed okay, but after a while she slowly started to tilt over to her other side. The nurses rushed back and once more brought her upright. This went on all morning. Later, the family returned to see how the old woman was adjusting to her new home. “So ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” “It’s pretty nice,” she replied. “Except they won’t let me fart.”

I've just been watching a programme about Dame Jane Goodall getting friendly with some chimpanzees. At least I thought I was. Turned out it was just the adverts!

Ian Watkins killers have finally been revealed. They were named as Sir Rashid Gedel MBE and Sir Samuel Dodsworth OBE.

Similarity between a Nigger & a bicycle? Neither work when you take the chains off! (Nod to GuidoFawkes)

Another 1,000 men made it across the channel again today. Bad news for Britain; great news for Bonnie Blue!

Clare Balding says she gave up two foods in order to lose 10lbs in weight. Grass and hay?