Sickipedia

My family and I were in the pub, my daughter got up and said "I'm off to powder my nose" A few minutes later I saw this trans bloke heading for the ladies' toilets, I got up quick as a flash and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and said "oi you, men's toilets!" he turned indignant and said "you're hard!" I replied "I know trannies turn me on" so we went in the men's toilets and I bummed him.

Just unfriended Matthew perry

There's a guy at work we all call Keth His real name's keith but he has an eye missing.

Whenever we have sex my girlfriend likes to pretend she's 12 years old. It kinda bothered me a first , and finally one day I told her, "Baby, you don't have to keep doing this, for fuck's sake, your birthday is next week!"

The wife's done nothing but moan and bitch and nag all christmas. Last night for new year we went to an S+M themed party . I managed to con her into volunteering to get in the stocks for a bit of light bondage play. But once she was firmly locked in I fucked her up the arse then walked around the other side to give her a taste of the what she's been giving me for years.

I see the mercury prize has a lot of ethnic and rap nominees this year . I wonder if the Bonobo awards would be so P.C , sorry I meant Mobo

Terrible news I hear there's a dyke in northern ireland with a hole in it .

Raheem sterling is paying for 550 kids to go to watch Man city at wembley . Well at least City will have some fans now ....if they turn up

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