Sickipedia

I came out of Asda this morning and there was a woman crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't usually do that kind of thing but I'd just found £2000 in the carpark.

I've just lost my job as an ice cream tester. I couldn't do sundaes...

"Vot iss yor name?

I'm a Bereaver

I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come… Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

What a prick!

SImple DIY

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very highly.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Household tips #5

MSN: Worlds oldest man dies aged 112. Why does this keep happening?