Sickipedia

Roger Whittaker has finally left old Durham Town.

I'm thinking of starting my own TV Streaming company. Just showing films of druggies waiting for their heroin. I'm calling it Nextfix.

Liz: Is it still raining? Charles: Not any more, you ain't!

Rishi and Savid quit!

Little Johnny, aged 7, came home from school one day and asked his dad, "Daddy, where do I come from?" His poor father started sweating, knowing that one day his son would want to know all about "it". He looked around for his wife to take on the explanation but she was out at the shops. It was no good, his father thought. 'It's time he knew', and took the young lad to one side and explained how mummy and daddy met and then married and wanted to produce a baby and, .....well, you know the rest. After much awkwardness and embarrassment, after nearly an hour, the dad finally reached the point in the story where his son was born in hospital. The young boy's face just stared back, mouth open and speechless. "So, tell me son, why do you ask?" The boy, still in shock, said, "Billy Clark in our class, said he was from Birmingham!"

Old lady sitting on a bus and sees a 5 year old lad dressed up for a kids fancy dress birthday party. "Off to a party, I see", she says to the lad. "What are you dressed as?" "A pirate." says the lad. "And where are your buccaneers?" "Under me buckin' 'at!"

A Scouse woman walks into a well-to-do clothes shop and says to the assistant, "I'd like an animal skin coat." "Certainly Madam. What fur?" "To wear of course, ya daft cunt!"

Just remember on this Holocaust Day - Never high-five a Jew!

I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come… Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

I met some chess enthusiasts in a hotel lobby recently. All they did was brag about how good they were at the game. There's nothing worse than chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!