Sickipedia

My dad is still having regular sex at 95 It's an absolute disgrace He lives with my mum at number 27

I said to the woman at work "Can I smell your Fanny?" "No you fucking can't she replied" " Jesus , it must be your fucking feet then" I responded

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in London and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when Custard Cream supplies all but ran out. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate military posturing" Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

A sea Captain pulls up at the pub in his new Bentley. The farmer in the bar says to him "How come you earn enough money to buy a car like that?" The captain replied " I work for Cunard actually" , the old boy looks at him and says "I work quite hard myself but can only afford a second hand Skoda!"

What is the difference between Snow men and Snow women........... Snowballs

My old dad asked if I could get some viagra for him . "Aye aye" , I thought... ."what do you need Viagra for? Mum died 10 years ago" "It's to stopme rolling out of bed while i'm asleep" he said

To the one legged mugger in Camoflage uniform who stole my wallet........ You can hide.....but you can't run Y

I;ve just been awarded an advanced degree in Bra Design . It's a Ph.DD

I went to the library and asked for a book on suicide, fuck off they said , you won't bring it ba..............oh hang on

What's got 100 legs and 4 pubic hairs? The front row of a Justin Bieber concert