Sickipedia

RIP Diane Abbott Oh Sorry it's Hugh Hefner who died. I thought it said Huge Heffer

Apparently there's a new sex position called parcel force. You stay in all day and no-one comes

You've got to feel sorry for the Irish in England. The Muslims have taken all their terrorist work & the Polish all their building work

Beyonce has just discovered that Roy Castle was really her father. Can't see her taking his surname somehow.

Ram a Van observed near London Mosque Driver was told do not Break Fast

Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl who's bike has a flat tyre. Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way. A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike. "What the feck happened"? asks Murphy. "Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fuckin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! "So I took the bike.'' "Good on ye'' says Murphy, ''I'm sure the fuckin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"

Nicola Sturgeon is so ugly even her dildo needs a viagra !

Danny Dyer strips off and looks at himself in the mirror and gets a instant boner. He asks his wife why does this happen. Is it because I'm so handsome Wife says no it’s because your cock thinks your a massive cunt.

So Winnie Mandela has died ! Unfortunately she did not have a tyre round her neck at the time otherwise it would certainly have been a Goodyear !

Three shits in a corner, what one's the musketeer? The wee dark tan yin.