Sickipedia

Guy goes into a pharmacy , and asks for KY jelly Lady behind the counter says “ weve none have u tried Boots” Guy say “ boots????? I want to slide in no fuckin march in .. :)

The undertakers were trying to transfer the body of Barry Chuckle to the bodybag and that's when the trouble started.....To me-To you...

Did you here about the paratrooper that had a sex change operation in mid air? He landed with a fud.

What's the difference between Dundee United and former manager Jim McLean ? Dundee United will be dead before Jim will !

A blonde is suffering from a sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his torch and says"Open wide. " "I can't "" replies the blonde, "My tampon will fall out"

LITTLE GIRL: Mummy, I just found out that our neighbour's son has a penis like a peanut! MUM: You mean it's small? LITTLE GIRL: No it's salty!!!

Steve Davis, the world champion snooker player, got married and it was the first night of his honeymoon. His beautiful wife lay spread across the bed wearing only a scanty silken black nightdress. Presently Steve came out of the bathroom totally naked with a long stiff erection and walked slowly to the foot of the bed. He didn't utter a sound but simply stood there looking at her and chalking the end of his erect penis. This went on for over ten minutes, the only movement being the slow rhythmic chalking of the tip of his penis and the movement of his head from side to side as he stared at her lying on the bed. Eventually, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation she tore off her night dress and slowly spread her legs wide open waiting for him to take her. Steve simply raised his eyebrows, cocked his head to the side and continued to slowly stroke the soft chalk across the glistening, throbbing penis as he stared intensely at the pleasures he saw between her outspread legs. It was too much for her to stand, writhing in an agony of expectation and frustration she screamed out, "For God's sake what are you waiting for?" Steve gently stroked the chalk across his throbbing penis, blew the loose chalk off its end, smiled and looking even more closely between her smooth thighs quietly told her, "I'm trying to decide whether to go for the tight brown or the easy pink."

My dog fell in the river today and a passing German tourist dived in and got him out. "Here is your dog" he said. "Take him home, keep him warm and he will be fine!" "Thank you so much" I said. "Are you a vet?" "A vet?" he said. I'm fucking soaking!"

When Trump met Theresa May she said I bet I can make everyone roar by raising my hand ! She did and everyone roared. Trump said that's nothing I can make your nation rejoice by nodding my head. He stuck the head on the prime minister and the whole nation celebrated and danced for joy !

what do you call a cotton picker who does martial arts ? Blackie Chan