Sickipedia

My neighbour was hammering on his roof and as I walked by he called me an ugly, paranoid weirdo. In Morse Code.

A Romani cursed me to fail at everything I did. So I took a vow of poverty and chastity.

People usually campaign about the issues that they have experienced or might experience. Which is what makes the women who condemn beauty pageants so admirable.

If you're a teen who is torn between going out to laid or doing a job to get some extra money, try doing both at once with babysitting.

An evangelist came up to me today and said "are you willing for your soul to enter the kingdom of heaven?" And I replied "if by 'heaven' you mean an 8-year-old girl and by 'soul' you mean my ding-dong then yes, I certainly do!"

A sadist, a masochist, a pyromaniac, a kleptomaniac and a zoophile walk into a bar. The kleptomaniac says "let's go steal a cat!" The zoophile says "let's go steal a cat and fuck it!" The sadist says "let's go steal a cat, fuck it and torture it!" The pyromaniac says "let's go steal a cat, fuck it, torture it and set it on fire!" The masochist then says "meow".

The Conservatives clearly have the most love for poor people. They want there to be a lot more of them.

Traditional parenting. Where assaulting a child on the buttocks is just discipline and bringing a willing child to orgasm is evil.

What's the difference between an Islamic extremist and an Islamophobe? Their day of worship.

Teacher says that 1 is equal to 2 halves. However, I was less than thrilled with the 2 halves of a puppy I got for Christmas.