Sickipedia

Happy Mothers Day to all my one night stands.

If I had a pound for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive.

My new years resolution is to not have intercourse with supermodels.

Red Stripe

Red Stripe

For years now, I've suffered from terrible sneezing fits. Often for over an hour at a time. My nose constantly runs too, and nothing I do or take seems to stop it. I've obviously been worried. Especially now. I eventually reached breaking point and decided to visit my hospital in the hope they could help. After a thorough examination and finding nothing physically wrong, I was sent for tests, the results of which came back today. Turns out I'm allergic to Kleenex.

Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.

Happy yeah-they-are-always-right day!

My wife just called me. She said, "Three of the girls in the office have just received some flowers for Valentines Day, they are absolutely gorgeous." I said, "That's probably why they've received flowers then."

I lay on my death bed the other day, with my wife Tina, and my sister Marge by my side. When I saw them getting upset I comforted them - "Don't cry for me, Marge and Tina..."