Sickipedia

Me: "Can I get two bacon and egg rolls with brown sauce?" Shopkeeper: "No, cash or card only"

Well the Vatican will be on the lookout for another fat bald white middle-aged nonce to be the next Pope. Make sure non of you lot have got your phone on silent.

They just opened a new road in Rome named Pastor Way.

Today would of been the 35th birthday of Jamie Bulger. That marks 18 years of saving taxpayers money on benefits and court costs.

Went to see a magician last night. He called a black guy up on stage and said " I will make this gentleman disappear in front of your very eyes, "He took off his top hat, tapped it 3 times with his magic wand and pulled out a positive pregnancy test.

I knew someone who had a moneybelt made out of circumcised foreskin. Everytime he rubbed it, it turned into a backpack

What do you call 8 niggers and 3 white men in a sinking ship? Man City

Shagged a thai bird last night and the condom burst, thought I'd better do the right thing and pay to check she hadn't caught HIV

Local kebab house has started handing out crap plastic toys to kids when the buy a kebab, fries and a soft drink. £4.99 for a Jameel Deal

'Air India pilot sent desperate Mayday call before crash that killed 241'. Hardly surprising the plane crashed, this idiot doesn't even know which month it is