Sickipedia

Just told my Vietnamese neighbour that my dog has to stay home because it's in season. She said 'yummy , which flavour?'

Saw two teenagers trying to rape a struggling 9 year old girl on the way home from work so I ran across to help. No ways she was fighting off all 3 of us

Me: "Can I get two bacon and egg rolls with brown sauce?" Shopkeeper: "No, cash or card only"

Unfortunately the inventor of the innuendo has passed away. His wife is taking it really hard.

Why are gays shit at fighting? Well if anyone has ever watched gay porn you'll know they have no idea how to make a fist.

Sickipedia: more rigged than the north sea

On Tinder she described herself as 5 ft 3 blue eyes, slim body and blonde hair. Met up and fucked her on the first date! Had to do her doggy style though as the 3 eyes were a bit off-putting.

I've got a huge soft spot for women that get aroused by acne

Pissing myself at some deaf and dumb bloke trying to order a beer at the bar last night. 'Be careful, you dont want to fuck with him' said my missus. 'I saw him chatting with his mates, he's really handy'

Ordered chips and a jumbo sausage at the chippy. Bloke said 'It won't be long mate' I said 'For 6 quid It had fucking better be'