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almalkin

Member since 8 years ago

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almalkin

2 years ago-Jokes With No Home-Random-Post Rating : 33

I've been paying £2 a month to the Cats Protection League for over a year..... I missed only two payments and they've just been round and broken my cat’s legs....

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almalkin

2 years ago-Other-Wife-Post Rating : 33

I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my fucking fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat fucker with a beard gets all the credit! Still I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.

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almalkin

2 years ago-Other-Random-Post Rating : 32

I learned two interesting facts today: It's not as easy as you'd think having a pee on a moving train. And my ban covers ALL Hornby shops.

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almalkin

one year ago-In The News-Other-Post Rating : 22

Daily Telegraph: Shark swims ashore in New Jersey. What? Where the fuck did he buy that from?

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almalkin

2 years ago-Other-Misunderstanding-Post Rating : 22

The hole punch was invented in 1886. And was banned from Boxing in 1887.

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almalkin

2 years ago-Celebrities-Taylor Swift-Post Rating : 21

Taylor Swift. Her music may be shit but she can knock you up a suit in less than an hour.

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almalkin

7 years ago-Racism-Black & Ginger-Post Rating : 21

My wife came home with two kittens yesterday,a black one and a ginger one....i don't know which one to hate the most.

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almalkin

2 years ago-Wordplay-Wordplay-Post Rating : 20

My wife told me she wants a spa day for her Christmas I'll tell her it's pronounced 'spade' when I give it to her next week.

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almalkin

6 years ago-Politics-Conservative-Post Rating : 18

I like my women how i like my elected government.I take what i get,they're all the fucking same anyway.

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almalkin

2 years ago-Wordplay-Wordplay-Post Rating : 17

I asked my missus, "What do you want for your birthday, fatty?" She said, "Don't get lippy." Mascara it is then.

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