Sickipedia

Paddy goes to a florist & says "I'd like to buy some flowers for my girlfriend." The florist says "Certainly, what is it you're after?" Paddy says "a blow job"

Paddy pulls up at the traffic lights next to a stunning looking girl. Paddy smiles at her and winds his window down. She smiles back and winds her window down. Paddy says ' have you farted as well?'

I like my women like I like my bacon. Hot, with the fat cut off and wrapped around my sausage.

40 gypsies arrived at heaven's gates. St. Peter said "We've only got room for 12, so decide amongst yourselves who's coming in". Five minutes later St. Peter says to God, "They've gone". God says, " What, all 40 of the pikey scum!? St. Peter says, "No, the fucking gates.

I like my A4 refill pads how I like my women. Easily ruled and punched twice near the spine to keep them in line with the others.

So I'm sat behind this prick who can't fucking drive. He's weaving all over the place, hasn't got a clue. I start shouting at the cunt 'ya fuckin Paki bastard, learn to fuckin drive & while your at it, fuck off back to your own country ya smelly cunt.' Cheeky bastard told me to get out of his taxi...

A robber walks into a bank and shouts "freeze! Gimme all the money!" A brave customer grabs at his mask and says "ha! I've seen your face now" so the robber shoots him dead. "Any of you other fuckers see my face?!" He demands. Silence for a moment then a faint voice pipes up...."I think those Pakis in the corner got a glimpse"

Text from daughter to mum. Hi mum, need some advice. I've got some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in my hair How do I get it out, will I have to cut it out? Text from mum to daughter. It's so nice you can send me such a Frank text. No you won't have to cut it out, I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it'll just wash out. Daughter to mum. Bloody auto correct, supposed to spell 'GUM'.

My paki mate drowned in the floods last week. So at his funeral I got him a wreath shaped like a life jacket. It's what he would have wanted.

When I was young we used to live next to an old man who said he was a ventriloquist... He was fucking rubbish.... Used to put two fingers up my arse and tell me not to say anything.