Sickipedia

GOVERNMENT: Now you have plans to raise retirement age to 75, why not lower school leaving age to 10? These chimneys don't sweep themselves you know.

An abused child phones Childline every minute. That little cunt needs a fucking good slap.

I saw a lonely little boy sitting on a swing, so I went over and gave him a push. He still wouldn't get off, so I punched him.

The government have announced that 16 and 17-year-olds will be able to vote in the next general election. Labour have also begun producing adverts showing Joe Camel voting for them.

The boys just came down, gave me my card and presents, then fucked off back upstairs. Father's Day. For seeing your kids more than any other day.

A good one from Quora: A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch."

I lost a fight with a kid at school once. His name was Bill Tong. I definitely bit off more than I could chew.

First time I've ever heard of a tree planting a child

Ran over a load of vegetables yesterday! Last time i take a short cut through the special needs school

If you want to smack your kids, but not leave a mark. I find a good quality oven glove works best.