Sickipedia

Ex addicts: It's 6 years, 4 months, 2 days, 18 hours and 32 seconds since I last did drugs. But I don't miss it, at all.

Belfast hotel serving 'life-changing' cocktail at a thousand bucks a glass. It certainly is. I got shitfaced on them, and now my house is being repossessed.

Cider drinkers may understand I went to the bar and asked for three Inchs The bar lady said, "Why? Is yours not long enough?"

Apparently... Driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn't 'funny' and is technically 'wasting' police time.

A Chinese brewery is investigating after a video showed an employee peeing into the ingredients container. In his defence though, his colleagues had just told him they'd won the contract to produce Fosters

A man is sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you. So, so much" She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me, talking to the beer."

I had loads to drink last night, so before I went to work I made sure I had plenty of mints just in case anyone could smell alcohol on my breath. Despite this, within minutes, the Boss came up and told me to leave the premises until I'd sobered up. "How did you know I was drunk?" I asked "You've still got a traffic cone on your head."

Try this world cup drinking game. Every time Jermaine Jenas speaks, take a swig and gargle until he stops.

Almost halfway through Go Sober for October and I've managed to avoid the boredom and blues by getting hammered every day

People are always complaining about children in pubs! “Well I think it’s a good idea, mine always drive me home afterwards”