Sickipedia

I hadn’t had a fuck for six months. My ex girlfriend called and said she fancied a casual shag. Now I'm not saying I was keen to get there before she changed her mind. but I did manage to set off two speed cameras on the way to her house. Which is quite impressive considering I was on foot.

I love shugging English sluts they are so cheap and filthy but come off them when I meet their brother who looks like them, never washes, is a football supporter called Wayne and drives a white van for his living

Beautiful sexy women heres a tip why not ruin your bodies by having them covered in naff tattoos therefore making yourself less attractive than you were before to half of the male population, If I wanted my lover covered in ink i'd bum a fucking sailor . A spread bastard eagle on a lovely pair of tits is not sexy its disturbing .

I've just started writing a love letter to this woman I fancy, but I'm having a bit of trouble. What rhymes with anal fisting?

I heard Facebook had published a list of 71 genders but when I looked there were only 70. Someone's hidden a gender, if you ask me.

After my first proper gym workout in several months, I'm feeling pretty shitty. Not because I'm tried and achy, but because I'm lying on the ground smelling.

Bloke goes to see is Doctor and says. "Doctor, Doctor as soon as i wake up i'm on the missus fucking her good style, i have my shower go down stairs my missus is doing my breakfast, i bend her over the table and fuck her again. I get to work and the first woman i see is the cleaner, i get her into the broom cupboard and rag the fucking arse off her when i get to my office i call the secretary in bend her over my desk and shag her fucking rotten and i do that again at lunchtime with one of the temps. When i'm driving home i make a stop at my usual brothel and fuck the arse off three prossies. When i get home i bend my wife over the dining room and bang her till she passes out. I have a shower jump into bed and fuck the misses all night and i do this day in day out". The Doctor says "Well you have a healthy sex life, What is your problem"? The bloke says " The problem Doc,it fucking hurts when i have a wank".

I asked my best friend why, at the age of 30, i was still a virgin?. "Don't worry" he said "The next Star Wars convention we go to we'll get ourselves some ladies".

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we ended up having sex right there and then. I fucking love my new Taser.

I can’t be the only woman who has a fantasy about sitting on Postman Pat’s face.