Sickipedia

I can’t be the only woman who has a fantasy about sitting on Postman Pat’s face.

My wife slapped me when I tried to put a torch inside her anus. So much for her enjoying light BDSM

I'm looking for casual sex with a disabled puppet, no strings attached

My 15-year-old daughter just asked me if her boyfriend can sleep over tonight. "CAN HE FUCK!" I replied. She said, "Yes, really well."

my wife kept telling me i was addicted to social media like wtf but anyway shes dead now and im at her funeral rip

Put all my old dogging gear up for sale on eBay today. No bids yet but I’ve got 12 people watching.

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says: "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies: "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436."

What's the difference between diarrhoea and a turd? You can't gargle with a turd.

I was in work today when a woman walked in with her tits hanging out! Me and my mates were shouting, "Wahay! Check out the knockers on that!" I don't think we're cut out for work in the mammography department.

Just accidentally caught the women's rugby and saw the NZ Haka. Looked like a synchronised 'and what time do you call this' greeting....