Sickipedia

A mad golf enthusiast finally receives the news he has been waiting 20 years for, an invitation for membership at a very exclusive local golf club. When he arrives for interview, he is confronted by a six man committee. The first man asks if he smokes? "One or two after a meal and a few in the pub on Friday night" he replies. The second man states this is a non-smoking club and we insist none of our members smoke. The third man asks if he drinks? "Five or six pints in the pub and a couple of bottles of wine each week with the wife" The fourth man says we insist that all our members are tea total. The fifth man then asks whether he enjoys relations with his wife? "Yeah, still two or three times a week" The sixth man says that they insist on celibacy from its members, so agrees to meet again in four weeks time to see how he has coped with the regime. At the next meeting he states that he hasn't had a smoke or drink in four weeks and feels much fitter and healthier for it. "What about the marital relations?" "Well I was doing really well on that one, until this morning my wife was bending low to get something out of the freezer and I couldn't help myself, I had to take her from behind there and then." "I have to inform you, from today you are barred from this golf club" "I guessed as much, but as of this morning I'm barred from Sainsburys too!"