Sickipedia

If there was one silver living to the Soham murders, at least Holly Wells older brother hasn't had to walk around wearing his Man Utd shirt for the last 23 years.

So excited that second generation Pakistani Shabana Mahmood is our new Home Secretary, ready to defend British borders just like other recent Home Secretaries, such as Suella Braverman, Priti Patel and Sajid Javid. And that's not the end of the reshuffle. The NHS will be completely reformed once Lucy Letby is appointed Health Secretary.

I am not a conspiracy theorist. All I’m saying is that if we had really landed on the moon in the summer of 69, it would have been far more noteworthy than Jimmy quitting or Jody getting married. Yet Bryan Adams never mentioned it…

After that shootout performance, you wonder why certain women who are penalty specialists weren’t included in the England squad. Like Emma Watson.

- You’ll never walk alone. - Thanks Diogo but I’d rather walk alone than get in a fucking car with you!

Assisted dying? So Lucy Letby isn't a murderer, she was just ahead of her time.

The family of the pilot of Air India Flight 171 have thanked everyone for their prayers and assured the public that another family member will be able to pick up tonight's Uber shift.

Keir Starmer - Today is a truly heartbreaking day for many British and Indian families up and down the country. I want to extend my heartfelt sympathies to all those impacted by the horrific plane crash. Kemi Badenoch - Heartbreaking news from Ahmedabad. My thoughts are with all those affected — especially the families of those on board, and the emergency teams responding to what appears to be a horrifying tragedy. Nigel Farage - Yeeeeeeesssssss!!

Donald Trump says immigrants are ruining America and should be deported. Quite honestly, I totally agree with him. And so do the rest of my Sioux tribe.

The definition of an inside job - a scouser mowing down scousers so they can't work again.