Sickipedia

Home office Interview 2006 for the family of terrorist Jihad Al-Shamie "So Mr and Mrs Al-Shamie we notice you've called your son Jihad a word that literally means 'Islamic Holy War!' is there any reason why you'd do that?" Mrs Al-shamie smiles and says "we just thought it was a lovely name to call our bundle of joy". The official replies "ok that seems reasonable, application for UK citizenship Approved". I think I'll change my name to Christian Death Monger and apply to be a Saudi national and see how that works out for me

Fancied a porno wank today used a VPN so I don't have to age verify and the world doesn't know I'm into midget porn and having balloons shoved up my arse. But google hates vpns, by the time I'd identified 24 buses 50 motorbikes and 36 fire hydrants I'd lost the mood completely. Do robots even masturbate?

Today it's the 10th anniversary since Rosie Jones appeared on our television screens. She's just got to the punchline of her first joke.

Senegal the 1st African team to beat an African team in England

Had an ice cream van come around the other day, the bloke serving was dressed as a Viking, I asked for 2 cornets and a 99, he said he could only do tubs. It was lvar the Coneless

He's not British he's scouse. Source Talk sport listener

Keeping with Catholic tradition the Pope is to be buried in an altar boy

I went on dragon's den and pitched an idea to make clothes exclusively for wolves. I said "they obviously need them as you only ever hear about wolves in sheep's clothing"

Took a facebook questionnaire to see if I was a narcissist, after question 21 I got bored and went back to wanking in front of the mirror.

A new remake of the Wizard of OZ has been made. In the new version Dorothy only meets one companion on the yellow brick road it's Donald Trump who's going to see the wizard to get a heart a brain and the fucking courage to stand up to Russia.