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An old rhyme. Mary had two rabbits, one was a Belgian buck, She put them on the table to see if they would.... Run around the table like monkeys up a stick One put his finger where he should have put his... P is for pudding R is for rice, F is for something it’s naughty but it’s nice Rats do it cats do it monkeys have a try, mums do it dads do it , Why shouldn’t I.... Upon a mountain top sitting on a rock, I saw a China man playing with his... Cock a Robin went a fishing, fishing for a whale, down came a bumblebee and stung him on the... Ask no questions get no lies, I saw a policeman fastening up his... Flies are a nuisance bugs are even worse, This is the end of my little Chinese verse. Pathetic I know.
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Nine year old boy killed by lightning strike while playing football. He certainly learned the hard way in how to conduct himself on the field.
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A little boy walks into the bathroom where his mother is lying naked in the bath. “ what’s that?” he says pointing between her legs. Flustered, she says “ Oh, that’s where Daddy accidentally hit me with the axe” “ Good shot” he says “ He got you right in the cunt” The old ones are the best!
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Years ago when I was a choirboy I sneaked into the belfry...the priest caught me and tolled me off.
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I was just walking over Westminster Bridge as a load of feminists with placards were marching towards me. I didn't know whether to block their passage or toss myself off. Credit Max Miller.
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I think that the standard of Doctors has gone downhill since lockdown...I had a video call today with my GP because I had a lettuce sticking out of my arse. All he could say was that I should put a dressing on it.
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A Golden Oldie. I took my blind girlfriend to a concert, and during the interval she turned towards me and with her eyes flickering all over the shop like they all do, she said “ Isn’t life cruel? I was born blind and you were born without a nail on your thumb “
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The person who said that an Englishman’s home is his Castle was a cunt. My home is a one bedroom rented flat in Rotherham.
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I remember as a kid my poor old Grandad lying upstairs in bed dying and riddled with cancer, thin as a stick and not having eaten for days. My Nan was boiling a ham in the kitchen and my Grandad shouted down “ I could just fancy a bit of that ham” Nan shouted back “ You can’t have any of that, it’s for the funeral “
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Guidelines, Information and Rules
Hi! To ensure that this is a great place for everyone to have a wondeful time, we have some rules. Breaking them might result in a suspension or permanent ban from the site.
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Jokes must be in text format, no emojis or linking allowed.
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As a measure to prevent spam and reposts, we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit.
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If you post a NSFW image as meme, it must be tagged as NSFW.
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Do not repost from all time top list.
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Metaposts are not allowed. If you've something to ask then please go to forum.
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Reposts and duplicate jokes are not allowed.
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Photographs, gifs and videos depicting nudity, sexual poses or acts, if censored
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Child Exploitation content
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As a measure to prevent spam, we are limiting the number of jokes a user can submit
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Content designed to intimidate a person or group by any means including, doxxing, murder or injury, rape, harrasment etc.
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