Sickipedia

For Sale: Empty bird cage. Higher perches available.

An old rhyme. Mary had two rabbits, one was a Belgian buck, She put them on the table to see if they would.... Run around the table like monkeys up a stick One put his finger where he should have put his... P is for pudding R is for rice, F is for something it’s naughty but it’s nice Rats do it cats do it monkeys have a try, mums do it dads do it , Why shouldn’t I.... Upon a mountain top sitting on a rock, I saw a China man playing with his... Cock a Robin went a fishing, fishing for a whale, down came a bumblebee and stung him on the... Ask no questions get no lies, I saw a policeman fastening up his... Flies are a nuisance bugs are even worse, This is the end of my little Chinese verse. Pathetic I know.

Nine year old boy killed by lightning strike while playing football. He certainly learned the hard way in how to conduct himself on the field.

A little boy walks into the bathroom where his mother is lying naked in the bath. “ what’s that?” he says pointing between her legs. Flustered, she says “ Oh, that’s where Daddy accidentally hit me with the axe” “ Good shot” he says “ He got you right in the cunt” The old ones are the best!

Years ago when I was a choirboy I sneaked into the belfry...the priest caught me and tolled me off.

I was just walking over Westminster Bridge as a load of feminists with placards were marching towards me. I didn't know whether to block their passage or toss myself off. Credit Max Miller.

I think that the standard of Doctors has gone downhill since lockdown...I had a video call today with my GP because I had a lettuce sticking out of my arse. All he could say was that I should put a dressing on it.

A Golden Oldie. I took my blind girlfriend to a concert, and during the interval she turned towards me and with her eyes flickering all over the shop like they all do, she said “ Isn’t life cruel? I was born blind and you were born without a nail on your thumb “

The person who said that an Englishman’s home is his Castle was a cunt. My home is a one bedroom rented flat in Rotherham.

I remember as a kid my poor old Grandad lying upstairs in bed dying and riddled with cancer, thin as a stick and not having eaten for days. My Nan was boiling a ham in the kitchen and my Grandad shouted down “ I could just fancy a bit of that ham” Nan shouted back “ You can’t have any of that, it’s for the funeral “