Sickipedia

I saw a sign in a shop window that read ‘Pay No Interest’ So I carried on walking.

Blimey, it must've been windy last night. I drove through a council estate this morning and half of the houses had washing machines and beds in the front garden.

It has just been announced that Sinead O’Connor has died. She actually died on the 11th July. It’s been 7 hours and 15 days.

Martin Lewis (the money expert) once said that if we all limit ourselves to just one takeaway a week then we would all be better off. I am 3 months in. Not only am I over six grand down, but I have also just lost my job as a Deliveroo driver. Cheers Martin!

My mate asked me, "If you were offered £10,000 to have sex with your mum, what would you do?" I said, "It's a tricky one but I'd probably buy a new car."

Just called my mate at work and he said that he hasn’t stopped all day. Lovely bloke. Shit bus driver though.

Just seen a dating profile: Looking for a man who has his own house & a good job. Also needs to have a huge penis. Must be over 6ft. Correct me if I’m wrong, but surely nobody has a cock that big?

Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s me, Stevie Wonder. Stevie, for the 5th time you live next door mate.

Due to severe contamination, South West Water are encouraging everybody in the area to boil their water before drinking it. Not only do the residents have severe diarrhoea, but they now have a mouthful of blisters.

Anybody watching the disability darts final? The bloke in a wheelchair has lost 2 legs.