Sickipedia

I love blow jobs. It’s about the only time I get to see my wife’s mouth moving without having to listen to an incessant stream of nonsense.

"Half of Britons wouldn't be able to tell that an American is calling them an idiot". That's hardly surprising as half of Britons only speak Hindu, Pashtu or Arabic.

At the start of a long cross-country trip, my girlfriend's sister insisted on sitting in the front seat of my car. After a short while I asked if she'd mind giving me a hand job while I was driving because that's what my girlfriend usually does. She angrily responded, "Don't you realize my sister is sitting in the back seat!" I calmly replied, "Well, If she were sitting up here, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we?"

My girlfriend got a job at a medical marijuana clinic. They didn’t have a full time position so she’s only working pot time.

When is salami toast? As of last night.

The Titan captain's last words: "Don't worry about those noises; we made it through Nordstream and we'll make it through this, too."

I found a new flat, so I packed all my things in unmarked boxes, dressed in a dark hoodie and shades, carried them down to a black van, then drove it all over to the new flat at three a.m. and unpacked. What can I say? I move in mysterious ways.

I shagged a Navy girl last night. At least I guess she was a Navy girl; the moment I slipped her the pork, she said, "Welcome aboard."

I've just had my first lesson in Haitian cuisine and it was easy. All you have to do is skewer some rats on a length of reebar then hold them over a burning tire till the hair burns off and they're crispy.

The mods at Sickipedia are such good sports. I mean it. They really can take a joke,