Sickipedia

S Club 7 Member complains that they are not millionaires and are actually homeless. Makes sense now that they have a song called ‘don’t stop moving’

Just heard the news about Jerry Lee Lewis. So sad, and such a young age to be a widow.

In Italy all Amazon Alexa are fitted with motion sensors so they detect the locals moving their hands as well as speaking.

Representatives from the Cardiff Philharmonic, the Royal Academy of Music in London and the Royal Scottish Royal Conservatoire are at a conference discussing how moral they are. ‘We are showing our support for Ukraine’ said the one from the philharmonic. ‘So we have replaced Tchaikovsky in our upcoming concert programmes’ ‘That’s nothing’ Said the well spoken conductor from London ‘We think the harpsichord and the music of Handel represents the racism of the empire and slavery so we have decolonised our museum collection to celebrate more diverse artists’. ‘Aye ye all oot of date’ Interjected the conductor from the Scottish Conservatoire’ ‘We wanne show solidarity with the sacked 800 sacked ferry worker. So we have just banned the Piano’

Sainsbury have caused controversy this week by labelling their Gingerbread Man a ‘Gingerbread person’ Run run as fast as you can - you can’t catch me in the woman’s 200 meters because I used to be a Gingerbread Man!

I cannot believe how much money they are now offering to pay people for just picking vegetables. Doesn’t that manager at West Ham FC earn enough already?

I can’t believe that every petrol station forecourt in Britain now looks like Kent

Who can rule the dessert on a camel in the sun? Who can show the West up when they think the job is done? Here’s a clue: it’s not a song about a confectioner this time.

If it weren’t for those bloody poles we would still be in Europe.

If there is going to be a sausage war with Germany then we need to be prepared for the wurst.