Sickipedia

I dream of a world where all the races come together as one. The whites, the blacks, Orientals, Latinos - everyone, united in solidarity. To beat up the Pakis.

On a recent visit to Kensington Palace, Prince Harry and Meghan took a stroll through the grounds. Seeing an old, shortsighted gardener had dropped some tools from his wheelbarrow a short distance from where he was trying to dig a hole with a trowel, Harry picked them up and walked over. Excuse me, you might find it easier to use this spade, he said with a smile. That's very kind, Sir, thank you, said the gardener. Turning to Meghan, he said, find yourself a shovel darling and I'll show you where to get digging.

One of those really good looking blokes started at work this week. All the women are swooning over him. He's not the rugged good-looking type, more the boyish good looks. Put it this way, if he went to prison, in 24 hours his arsehole would look like a butcher's sink.

Experts now believe that over 99 percent of niggers are black.

I've started getting an itchy arse at night. NHS website says it might be threadworms and to inspect your poo for them. They are ugly little bastards that live in shit and breed like buggery. I took a look at my last crap and sure enough they had already built a mosque and about a dozen corner shops before I flushed.

Very well done to the English ladies football team. Now then, when does the real World Cup start?

"You can be a selfish pain in my arse" said the wife. So I dashed off to grab some lube before she changes her mind.

And the winner of this year's Great British Bake Off goes to... The Sun.

Can't believe my nudist neighbour is setting up his BBQ. Who does he think he is, Bear Grylls?

I have one New Year's resolution - to give more consideration to Muslims. My target is at least 2 paki jokes per day.