Sickipedia

'...When asked what his plans were to stop the shortage of soap and toilet rolls in shops, London Mayor Sadiq Khan said, " What are these things of which you speak?"

'...Coincidentally with Brexit, the clocks go back on October 31st. Let's hope they go back 50-years BEFORE Britain had even HEARD of the European Union.'

'...I used to date a girl called Lorraine Now, I'm going out with a girl called Clara. I would now like to sing a beautiful song entitled; 🎵 I can see Clara now Lorraine has gone. 🎵

'...I don't understand all this UK panic-buying of lavatory paper. I live in Asia. We have bum washers. I'm also rich. Mine is called Meghan.'

'...Harvey Weinstein's accusers say they didn't realise they had been raped until after they didn't get the movie part.'

'...Loving this Coronavirus. Women don't run anymore when I approach wearing a mask.'

'...I have my drug dealer on speed dial. Hash!'

BREAKING NEWS: A Swedish woman gives birth to a healthy boy after becoming the world's FIRST to get pregnant after having a womb transplant performed using a robot. The unnamed Swedish woman gave birth to a boy weighing 6lbs 3oz (2.9kg) via a Caesarean section and WD40.'

BREAKING NEWS: Knife crime in the UK INCREASES DRAMATICALLY. 17.4 MILLION voters STABBED IN THE BACK!

'...I phoned the Cannabis Helpline. They said if you want to order Cannabis, PRESS HASH#!'