Sickipedia

Whoever has got my voodoo doll, can you give his cock a bit of a suck, please? Thanks.

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.

Potatoes wrapped in tin-foil and kept in a cupboard become a welcome consolation if your house burns down.

Yo mama’s so ugly that when she gives me a blowjob it counts as anal.

Just found a dead man in the street, so I have brought him in and put him on my cat's pillow. Lets see how it fucking likes it...

Knock knock. Who's there? Ringo Starr's most complex drum rhythm.

Seeing a Man Utd match listed on BBC1 is a bit like seeing my mum in a porno. I'm disappointed but I'll still watch it.

My wife is a lot brighter than me. Mind you, I'm not the one who is on fire.

My daughter was thrilled to come home from the kid’s birthday party with some fruit-shaped helium balloons. But she cried later when I popped her cherry.

What is the country coming to? Good quality porn, probably.