Sickipedia

Jilly Cooper has died at the age of 88 following a fall. She fell into the arms of the Grim Reaper. His bony arms belied his strength as he cradled her like a timorous kitten. His eye sockets like unplumbed depths held her mesmerised as she felt her former life dropping away to be replaced by a hunger, a need, to be with him for all eternity. He leaned in as she arched her neck ready to receive his kiss. The kiss of Death. The kiss of Life. The only kiss that would ever matter to her again.

Yo mama’s so ugly that when she gives me a blowjob it counts as anal.

What is the country coming to? Good quality porn, probably.

The Boogeyman used to come to the ring with live worms in his mouth. Is there any gimmick that Hulk Hogan won't steal?

Samuel L Jackson and Oedipus. Brothers from another motherfucker.

We should give credit to Labour for making some excellent cuts to the prison service. Like the one across Ian Watkins’ neck.

When all of the children turned up to primary school on their first day, they all had a big R and a big L on their gloves except for little Timmy. He had a big R and a big M. The teacher asked Timmy, “Why do you have an R and an M on your gloves?” “Because my mum and dad vote Reform and they think I need to learn the difference between my Right and my Marxist.”

I went to Bangladesh yesterday. But Ladesh wasn't in so I banged her sister Kishana instead.

Sadiq Khan is poised to implement Sinatra Law in London. Start spreading the news.

Since relocating to Spain, I’ve been to a meet-up of all the ex-pats. The only other person to turn up was Pam St Clements.